Why Beza?

Just came back from “The Imam and The Pastor” screening and conversation jointly-organised by Sisters-in-Islam, Friends-in-Conversation, CCM Youth and Islamic Renaissance Front. The screening was held at Rumah Saya Anak Bangsa Malaysia

“The Imam and The Pastor” is a documentary depicting two clergymen from different religious background, hating each others at first, yet reconciled because of their belief in God and trust for each others, and then, using what they experienced, work hand in hand in promoting inter-religious and inter-tribal peace in Nigeria.

I have to say: my emotions were in turmoil as I sat there and watch. I had a lot of thoughts going through my mind. I struggled with the values that I’ve been holding on to, and how that closed the door for me to know another people groups better.

Never in my life before, I sit in a setting so close with Malays and talk like we knew each others for long time. Never in my life before, I feel the connection and mutual understanding when we laugh over some illogical mindset that, somehow, we’ve been embracing. Never in my life before, I introduce myself openly to a Malay that I am doing mission works, and at the same time I showed concern of what the Islamic movement is all about…

Acceptance.  Get along with people even if we do not have the same theological understanding. Strive to be social responsible. Work out peace. Interdependent.  Unconditional love. Are not these what Jesus wants me to do?

God, finally, here I am. I can feel Your heartbeat in this!

As I went for supper alone, I saw this:

3 stalls running business side-by-side

Have we not been co-existing all these while? When has it become so hard for us to believe that we can live in harmony with one another? why beza? what’s the point? Read a Chinese article “The longest distance” from a friend of mine, I think he speaks what my heart speaks. Read here

The facilitator

The attendance

Conversation session and collection of thoughts

Got the SABM car sticker at my rear window

fast & prayer retreat

The theme for this year is “Rest in God”. Thanks to the organizing committee, we did have a lot of rest, both spiritually and physically! This is by far the most enjoyable fast and prayer retreat I’ve ever joined since 2007!

We had 2 speakers, one was Pak Karel from Indonesia; another one was God Himself.

I’ve never heard from God so much before, and the amount God speaks can definitely beat the time Pak Karel spoke, and of course, God speaks through Pak Karel too

I enjoyed the every solitude moment spent with my Heavenly Father. I loved the way He speaks: straight to the point, heart piercing, comforting and encouraging. I cried, I laughed, I went into deep thought, I prayed… by the bed, in the bed; by the sea, in the sea. Those were moments where the silence is so loud, and the voice of the Father is so strong.

God brought several issues to light. One of it is the pursuit of holiness. God did a ground breaking work in my life last October after a series of serious prayers and ministry of Words. I finally breathe the free air of living a life that follows the Lord closely with nothing hold me behind, again. But somehow, along the process, I stumbled, and I fell. This discouraged me a lot, and I began to sense that the cause was because I turn my eyes toward myself rather than toward God.

God concerned about this. His conversation to me revolved around this matter.

He brought me to the seaside. While I sat by the sea, enjoying the breeze and feeling the sand with my feet. God asked: “Son, do you see the sky? the sea, and everything before your eyes?”

“Yes, Dad. I see them, they are beautiful!”

“I created them.” God said.

There was silence for a few seconds. I look at the marvelous sight in front of me, everything is perfectly and wonderfully made.

As the waves come, God continued “Son, if I am the creator of Heavens and Earth, do you think it is hard for me to help you in overcoming your failures?”

Now I know why God wanted to put that up. “…No, Dad. Definitely not…” My problem appear extremely small in front of the Almighty God.

God continued: “Son, what does my Word say about you?” The Spirit of the Lord reminded me clearly on Gal2:19-21: “^19bI have been put to death with Christ on his cross, ²⁰so that it is no longer I who live, but it is Christ who lives in me. This life that I live now, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave his life for me. ²¹I refuse to reject the grace of God. But if a person is put right with God through the Law, it means that Christ died for nothing!”

“Son, you are no longer the old you. The old you had been crucified with my Son Jesus Christ. Now wake up, and live out the new you, the life I gave you through the resurrection of my son.” God affirmed me.

“Thanks Dad, I needed that.”

Looking at the feet in front of me, I had a thought: I dug a hole at the beach, a hole big enough to bury my feet, and then in my heart I prayed. “Dad, these feet that used to walk in the sinful ways, ways that go against your will, are now buried and died. Thank you for these new feet: the new feet that I have now can walk on the path of righteousness, path that pleases You. Thank you, for what you have done on that cross for me!”

I moved my feet up after I said that prayer. As the feet emerge and sands falling off from my feet, I felt resurrection within my heart! The old has gone, the new has come. It is always comforting and strength-giving to embrace the truth that I am now having a resurrected life, a life that can defeat evil desires and walk on the ways of the Lord.

It’s such a great way to start the year embracing this truth! I look forward for more resurrecting works my Father have for me to experience.

The speaker: Pak Karrel and Ibu Emma

Privileged to host the Holy Communion service for the fast & prayer retreat

The Kairos Course- Timely course all the time

It’s been a wonderful 3.5 weeks learning with facilitators and believers who are passionate about the mission works in the Kairos Course. During the course, God stirred my heart as He challenged me to visit His heartbeat – the establishment of His eternal Kingdom! His heart is to see every tongue and tribe gather before His throne and worship Him. But are we taking extra efforts to work towards that to happen? Sad to say, no.

My heart cried when I see that there are still 6,900 unreached people group living on this face of the earth, die by thousands daily without knowing that their eternal destiny could be changed through faith in Jesus Christ. My heart was troubled when I see that His churches seem focusing on building own Kingdom with their own way instead of focusing on the frontier mission – evangelizing the 6,900 unreached people group! I felt ashamed because when we talk about the 2nd coming of Christ, more than 1/3 of the world population has no one consistently telling them about the 1st coming! “Go therefore, and make disciples of all the nations (peoples”). Jesus said it 2,000 years ago. Where do we stand today? Do we care what God cares?

God showed me that you and I have an active role to play as a Body of Christ to help fulfill the Great Commission. Unless we work together as one, and march towards the same direction, we can never shed the tears of joy when Christ finally comes that day, receive worship of every tribe and tongue on this earth. God desires to see His church do His will with the different gifts He entrusted and be effective in wherever are He wants us to contribute. I hope that messages from the Bible (highlighted in the Kairos course) will wake up the churches all around the world to see the remaining urgent tasks to accomplish- Evangelizing the unreached people group!

An Interesting Illustration

Got this story from the forwarded e-mail. Author unknown. I was encouraged and thought it would be great to share it with you. Hope the truths in it give you hope and set you free to soar high!

The Value

A wellknown speaker started off his seminar by:
holding up a $20.00 bill. In the room of 200, he asked,  
‘Who would like this $20 bill?’  

Hands started going up. 
He said, ‘I am going to give this $20 to one of you  
but first, let me do this.  

He proceeded to crumple up the $20 dollar bill.

He then asked,
‘Who
still wants it?’  
Still the hands were up in the air.  

Well, he replied, ‘What if I do this?’  
And he dropped it on the ground  
and started to grind it into the floor with his shoe.  
He picked it up, now crumpled and dirty.

‘Now, who still wants it?’ 
Still the hands went into the air. 

My friends, we have all learned a very valuable lesson.  
No matter what I did to the money, you still wanted it  
because it did not decrease in value.. 
It was still worth $20.

Many times in our lives, 
we are dropped, crumpled, and ground
into the dirt by the decisions we make and the circumstances that come our way.

We feel as though we are worthless.  

But no matter what has happened or  
what will happen, you will never lose your value..

Dirty or clean, crumpled or finely creased, you are still priceless to those who DO LOVE you.

The worth of our lives comes not in what we do or who we know, but by WHO WE ARE and WHOSE WE ARE. 

You are special
-
Don’t EVER forget it.’

Count your blessings, not your problems.

‘And remember: amateurs built the ark …
professionals built the Titanic.

If God brings you to it – He will bring you through it!

Only One Lifetime

Finally, after 2 long years, I’ve graduated from New Staff Training of Malaysia Campus Crusade for Christ!

“Graduate? I thought you are working now? What do you graduate from?” you may ask.

Haha, sorry for confusing you (If I did). Well, to make you understand in an easier way: I am ‘working’ as a full time Christian Worker, where my first and foremost duty is to help people around me, and people I’m assigned to, to know the meaning of life, and the importance of having a relationship with God through Jesus Christ. In order to do that better, I need to be trained in various skills and knowledge. So this training is what we called “New Staff Training”. So this is why the term ‘graduation’ makes sense-  -I have graduated from the new staff training!

The graduation theme was 1 Dream, 1 Lifetime, 1 Generation. Our Theme song is Only One Lifetime. These speak exactly what has been in my mind for months. “I want to live to be your delight, Only one lifetime, only one lifetime, only one life to give you my all!”

God (well, He is also my Heavenly Dad, my boss, my lord and my friend at the same time) had been putting this quest inside my heart all these while: Live a life worth living for! I’ve been thinking: I am 25 now, if I can ever live up to 75 (Insya-Allah!), I have basically passed the 1/3 of my life span. Have I done anything significant? Have I been living a life worth living for? The Bible says: “Teach us to number our days aright, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.” (Psalms 60:12) It is true. Unless we ‘number’ our age, we can never live rightly.

Imagine. All of the sudden, you now have the best car in the world (well, that’s it, that ‘best posh-car’ that appears in your mind now). It parks right in front of you. With the key and paper of ownership all in your hands (and of course the car works perfectly well!). You opened the door, jump into the driver’s seat, start the engine, ‘VROOOOM– VROOOOM’ as you test the car by pressing some gas. When you are just about to put down the handbreaks and release the car to freedom of running, you discover something: You can only drive the car using that tank of petrol in the car now. No refill is possible, because the petrol tank is totally ‘sealed’, no way to pump in any extra petrol.

Now, how would you use that car?

Would you put it right there and never drive it anymore? Would you drive to here and there with no purpose? Or would you plan carefully, and make sure you use the car to the fullest, that, when eventually, you finished the petrol in the car, you will say to yourself: I have the best meaningful times with this car, and I have no regrets owning it, even for just a while.

That’s exactly like our lives, isn’t it?

Now, how would you ‘drive’ your life? Have you done anything meaningful and significant?

“What good will it be for a man if he gains the whole world, yet forfeits his soul? Or what can a man give in exchange for his soul?” Matthew 16: 26

As for me, I believe my life can be meaningful only when I do what my creator wants me to do. Because He understands what life is all about! I have no regrets to follow Him all these while, and I believe walking with Him is the best experience I can ever have.

Now, my concern is, what do you think that makes your life meaningful and worth living?

I love you my friend, and I hope that you will find true meaning of life in Jesus Christ, and willing to let Him lead your life now, just like what I am doing now. If you have not experienced how to live abundantly, please log on to (if you read Chinese) http://aibenfang.com/a/reallife.html and (if you read English) http://www.everystudent.com/my/features/reallife.html

The graduation was just a ceremony, though a very meaningful and significant one, but the most precious thing of it is this lesson that God has taught me

Thanks for being a support, a friend and a partner in this journey.  I hope that you will be benefited just as much as I have!

Goodbye Yasmin…

Yasmin Ahmad

Heard the shocking news only this afternoon that Yasmin Ahmad has gone on Saturday night after struggling with coma due to the unexpected stroke on Thursday.
Yasmin has been one of the great film director that I look up to in my country. She is no doubt a very gifted filmmaker!  Her appropriate use of humor, and balancing facts and emotions, ends with challenging thoughts in her film makes her every films (and short clips) leave long lasting impact in my mind.

It is habitual for me to shed tears over every films ad clips she made. Her messages are strong, like the deepest quest in our heart: Love, Harmony and total Acceptance of each others.

Here’s one of her latest clips I saw on youtube. The Funeral. This clip actually helped me to know that: Somehow, we’ve missed much of the good things in life when we focus too much on the bad things someone has in their life. Simple yet very strong message. God somehow heals part of the wounds in my life as I watch this clip.

Here’s another short clip with very impactful message. Who’s Your Best Friend? Made in conjunction with the 50th Independent day of our country.

I do look up to Yasmin Ahmad, and it has been my passion to produce films that help my viewers to recall of that basic quest in our heart: Love. Harmony and Acceptance.

Thank God for giving Yasmin Ahmad to Malaysia

查经班

查经班的弟兄姐妹

印象中，好像没有参与过比较有系统的教会查经班
小时候爸爸有在教会带过，但当时太小了
查经班对我来说可闷爆了。。。

长大一点后，开始对神的话有渴慕
就随大队去参加唐牧师讲经大会。

但是，就是没有参与过像现在我参与的查经班。
我很喜欢去加影信义会迦南堂的周四查经。
那是一个可以自由提问，
甚至在听得津津入味，牧师突然因时间关系
欲讲还留的时候可以提出具抗议意味的鼓躁声
那种直接了当，温馨熟络的查经班

邓牧师是该堂主理，也是带领查经班的牧者
老实说，我真的很喜欢听邓牧师讲道。
打从第一次听他讲道开始我就被其讲道风范及生命吸引住了
他讲的道，让我发现神的话语是有很深的奥秘的。。
奥秘到无法用我们的理性了解，
唯有依靠圣灵将我们被理性封尘已久的深处再度敞开
突破我思想模式的框框
看见神的超然与伟大。

他讲解圣经，带有强烈的生命力。
每一次看见等牧师认真地形容、诠释实况时
一切真理是那么真实，贴切，深入灵魂深处，扭动我的情绪
最后再让我发现：神啊，我竟然只是那么肤浅的认识祢！

我不是加影信义会迦南堂的会友，我参加的是加影SIB土著教会
因此没有定期出席该堂崇拜
所以有时来查经班时
我内心难免有一点“外圈羊进内圈吃嫩草然后拍拍屁股走掉”的感觉。

但邓牧师还是很尽心尽力地，像牧者喂养羊群一样，
细心地喂养我。
原来，这就是好牧人的样式

谢谢你邓牧师！他朝一日，若我也像你一样
站在台前，忠心讲解神的真道
并且有‘养’无类时

那肯定是来自你生命的影响！

邓金波牧师

Some thoughts…

Sometimes I do thank God for making monday available for me and my parents to do something together.
Since I start serving fulltime, I no longer stay with them,
apart from going back to Ulu Yam purposely over some weekends
The other time we could meet each others would be Mondays.
Mom and dad will need to travel down to Seremban for theological course, then they will always stop by Kajang for a lunch with me. I treasure those moments because I can bring them to places with great foods around Kajang

5 April was my sister, Dorcas’ birthday. So on 6 Apr, we had some great time shared with Dorcas over the Internet and sang her a birthday song (it was still 5 April US time).

Mom and dad skyping with Dorcas

This was their 2nd time using skype, the 1st time was to meet me when I was in UK

Then we went to offer flowers to my great-grandmother, grandpa and 3rd uncle. We thanked God for letting us have them as our ancestors and relatives. Thank God also that through grandpa, our family can become a Christian family who know God and walk with Him.

Great-grandmother's tomb

Grandpa's tomb

3rd uncle's tomb

Grandparents' tomb (My dad's parents)

God-grandparents' tomb (my dad's God-parents)

I thank God that He’s chosen my ancestors to be His children, so that we have the hope to enjoy eternal life with Him and we’ll meet each others again in future!

Then we went to visit my grandma (mom’s mother) and mom’s teacher Mdm. Ling. They have been giving so much for my mom and made her a person she is today. I thank God for these qualities that I see mom inherited from them.

Grandma

Mdm. Ling

When I grow old and die, I hope my life can put comforting smile on the face of my spouse, children and grand children. When they remember me, they will also thank God for me. I hope that my life will remind them of God’s faithfulness and everlasting grace on those who put their trust in Him!

What A Week!-NCLT Sharing

Attending a 6 days training is quite unimaginable for me before I go (what is it like staying in Golden Sand PD for 6 days, have to attend training all day, and NO DIRECT ACCESS to Internet??)

When I found out that this training is to train staffs to have CD capacity (Not “compact disc”, but Campus Director, the leader of a staff and student ministry team), my heart sank and wonder why should I be here, I’m not even a good fulltime staff, and now “upgrading” me to a campus ministry leader??

Worse still when I was given a stack of 3cm thick material for the week.
Going through the training material  not just made me feel released but became fearful, burdened and stressed. . I thought this would be another training that worn me down and make me feel discouraged.

Then I realized I haven’t prepared my heart for this training, I’ve been grumbling about it, I’ve been focusing on myself rather than God, I’ve never asked for prayer supports. Then I put aside the materials, I pulled in a deep breathe, calm myslef down before the Lord, and sent SMS to some of you, my prayer warriors… and confess that I need God to change my attitude, and  that’s when God began His work…

In the devotional sharing of Ps. Ling Yok Wong, our National Director, on the 1st 2 days, he shared from the verse “For David, after he had served the purpose of God in his own generation, fell asleep, and was laid among his fathers (Act 13:36).

The keywords of this verse are: Served, Will of God, and His Own Generation. Literal meaning of serve is “under-rower” (people who row the ancient big ship according to the direction the captain of the ship set); Will of God is “deliberate design” (where God carefully planned and plotted with all of His mind); and Generation is “Alloted life-span” (a carefully and shrewdly spend life, because you have only 1 life time to spend and it has no return)!

God led me re-evaluate me values in this serving life. I asked myself: Do I serve God in a way like David: Totally submission to God’s Will, Knowing and following His plan, even though I may not know the ultimate outcome, and to invest my life carefully on things that has eternal value? I thank God for His truths that realign my heart and personal desire. Then God changed me in following issues:

1. God changed my core of conviction:

I have to admit that it’s a true struggle to share Christ with people around me. I can share Christ, but I don’t expect much changes I can see in other’s life. Sharing Christ is so normal until I can do it without the Holy Spirit… I feel like doing a job instead of fulfilling God’s calling.
In this training, God called me to revisit the core of His calling- – His Eternal Plan. Yes, not only His plan for my life, but His plan for the eternal destiny to mankind. I see myself as a tiny yet significant point being put in this generation to stand in the gap and tell people about His plan for them, just like Abraham, Isaac, Moses, David, Paul and other great bible warriors, they served their generation wholeheartedly by making God known. Seeing this, I humbled myself before the Lord and thanked Him for counting me in in His eternal plan – it’s not a ‘Gospel sharing job’, it’s an eternal calling!

2. God refreshed my ownership of His vision towards the campus.

This training challenged me to ask “Why I’m doing what I do?” Do I carry out my daily duties as a campus staff: evangelism, discipleship and doing mission trip; or someone who minister God’s truth to the students, seeing their life transformed and impact many? I’ve forgot that the students I’ve been ministering to will make great positive changes in the world tomorrow if they grasp hold of God and His Plan in their life!
I realized that “building spiritual movement” is not a mere slogan which could stir up emotions to evangelise and disciple more; nor it is the identity or calling of Campus Crusade for Christ International – - It is the very heart beat of God!
God desires to win the heart of this elite generation, disciple them so that they would preserve the world from crookedness of their generation, and when this world is looking for answers, they could provide the Truths! That everyone in the world will know that God is the answer they’ve been looking for. I’m not making disciple among the university students, not only that! I’m making disciples of future leaders, and in all nations!

3. God revive my desire to build spiritual movement in the campus

Frankly speaking, when it comes to topics about “building spiritual movement”, I became having all sorts of negative words in my mind: Impossible. No way. Day-dreaming. Limitations. Being jailed. 50 more years la, maybe can gua…
But God shifted my focus from the limitation I see to His unlimited power and Glory! This is the plan of God, not mine. This is the promise of God, not ours! He call us to do it, He is faithful and He will do it! The early disciples do not think of persecution or impossibilities, all they know is: Jesus is God’s only provision for the problems of mankind, He died and He is risen – -and He commanded us to tell it to the world as He gave us the Holy Spirit! Wasn’t it a simple yet biblical conviction? God wants me to embrace that simple faith and continue to walk with Him in the campus!

I thank God for letting me to go through this process of realignment. I treasured the time I spent with my fellow workers, who is going through the same journey of growth as I do. Please continue to pray for us, as we are called to do something we cannot do (life changing) on our own. I also want to thank God for you playing your part in supporting us in this movement! God remembers everything you’ve committed for His Kingdom! Let’s expect God’s glory as we work out His Will in our lives!

写给天父的一首诗

天父，

早上的阳光是你的微笑
天吹起的凉风是你的拥抱
蓝天白云，红花绿叶，是你爱的记号
人们的笑靥，温暖的肯定，是你表示“儿，我为你感到骄傲！”
我不知道为什么人们说：“我找他不到”
老实说，你的同在，我感受得到

在我孤单时，你低语对我说：“我儿，有我在”
在我紧张时，你低语对我说：“我儿，有我在”
在我无奈时，你低语对我说：“我儿，有我在”
在我空虚、软弱、哭泣、跌倒时
你低语对我说：“孩子，我都明白，因为我一直都在”

天父，这样的同在是信实
这样的感受真实
这样的知识奇妙
这样的爱是完全
太长、太阔、太高、太深
我无法完全了解

天父，我不明白没有你的日子是怎样的
我知道，没有你，我的世界不再有意义
我的问题不再有答案
我的生命不再有目的

天父，我只有谦卑地求
保守我的心，不离你独自游走
我要一生活在你的同在里

阿门